Mutton's short story thread

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Re: Mutton's short story thread

Post by ChrisMuttonshutter » Tue May 12, 2020 4:04 am

He walked the barren land in strange shoes with metal soles. His face and body covered in dark robes. Children threw stones and rotten vegetables but were quickly dragged away by worried parents. He smiled to himself but walked ever onward. If he stopped he would have to confront his and their demons.
It wasn't always this way. The world changed and forced him to become what he never wanted but was born to be ..........
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Re: Mutton's short story thread

Post by ChrisMuttonshutter » Tue May 12, 2020 12:50 pm

......they wanted answers, answers he couldn't give. They wanted the past. They wanted a future. They wanted to live. He wanted peace and to rest his feet, they were sore, the metal soles he had to wear to stop ..... He walked on in silence for silence was his retreat, never thinking about then ...or tomorrow.
He could smell the putrid rotting lake before he saw it, it would be a place to rest his body, his feet and his soul for tonight. He lay down under an old rotten apple tree, it's fruit long gone. His feet were bleeding his body ached. He longed for a bird's song to ease him into sleep. The tree was his pillow and the black water soothed the weathered flesh that covered ......
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Re: Mutton's short story thread

Post by Guest » Tue May 12, 2020 9:34 pm

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Re: Mutton's short story thread

Post by Guest » Tue May 12, 2020 9:35 pm

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Re: Mutton's short story thread

Post by ChrisMuttonshutter » Wed May 13, 2020 4:39 am

I actively encourage people with talent to submit their stories to this thread, but with that comes constructive criticism:

I find your stories a trifle flat m8, they seem to go nowhere and have no structure, which is fine if you are wanting to express something we the readers need to understand but may be lost due to the boring story line. I also noticed you copied and pasted the second one from your original. If you are hoping to sell any of your writings this may well be noticed by the general public. Here is my revised version of your story. I hope this may be of some help.

ChrisM

revised story

I hate negroes and they're not too fussed about me.
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Re: Mutton's short story thread

Post by ChrisMuttonshutter » Thu May 14, 2020 4:22 am

When he awoke, reality did not hit immediately ....his body was drained and his dreams haunted him. The landscape had called out to him during the night, horrific tales of neglect and suffering.
Two ducks swam on clear crystal water and a perch jumped to escape a predatory pike. As he plucked an apple from the tree's branch he noticed villagers stood nearby staring with awe at him........
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Re: Mutton's short story thread

Post by Guest » Thu May 14, 2020 1:46 pm

boring cunt

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Re: Mutton's short story thread

Post by ChrisMuttonshutter » Sat May 16, 2020 10:15 am

Here's one for you.
He walked into the room. It went silent.
He walked back out. The conversation resumed.
He looked at his mobile phone. No calls today or yesterday.
All fucking week to be honest.
About time I got back to my pet rat he thought.
It had been dead about a week.
He went to the shops to buy some muesli.
Soon be bedtime.
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Re: Mutton's short story thread

Post by ChrisMuttonshutter » Sun May 17, 2020 6:57 am

It rested.......
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Re: Mutton's short story thread

Post by ChrisMuttonshutter » Tue May 19, 2020 6:27 am

He fell in the cesspit. His curiosity got the better of him. He'd heard the screams of the forsaken.
Fourteen years past.
People eventually came and looked. He emerged unscathed untouched and few who lived down there survived.
The proles and bourgeoisie gasped as he climbed out. Very few followed him.
" Who are you ? " they screamed.
"Give me a mirror he gasped ". He looked into it, he looked older but he knew the visage. His eyes still shone with cynicism and the laughter lines grew thicker ...


" I am ....... " his voice defiant, the timbre distinctively northern ...

" I am .............."
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