ChrisM's short story thread

[Guest]

U seem upset

[RightWingConspirator]

Still farting.

[ChrisMuttonshutter]

Derek had nothing in is sad sad world except farts
He had no children so the world was spared ....

[Raymond P Hewitt]

I raped my son

[Guest]

Nobody liked him, his breath smelt of poo. His Name is Chris, and he is YOU.

[Guest]

Once upon a time


Raypond raped his son.

The end

[ChrisMuttonshutter]

They all looked into the sky for the new messiah ....

[ChrisMuttonshutter]

.... and he looked familiar ....

[Guest]

Only you can lead us forward in these difficult times of change.

[ChrisMuttonshutter]

The fat controller fucked off to a life of bliss with his fat wife.
The two kids left in charge grinned but had no fucking idea how to get the train going.
On the platform every fucker went home as the giraffe peed on the track.

[ChrisMuttonshutter]

He couldn't decide if he should retire to his bed for another period of contemplation.
Decisions Decisions ....
The giraffe was no help at all.

[Guest]

I feel like the giraffe storyline is becoming a bit stale now mate.

[ChrisMuttonshutter]

I feel like the giraffe storyline is becoming a bit stale now mate.

Many thanks for being a fan and reader of my stories and for your constructive criticism
Most of my readers and the population of the shithole are generally of a lower IQ than normal and I feel putting a "constant" in my stories gives them comfort and a certain feel good that they lack in real life.
Please feel free to have a go yourself if you desire and print it here in this famous thread, I have no ego that will be bruised and look forward to your effort, or are you just a critic who has no talent (rhetorical).

-------------

The giraffe looked up at the sound of his name, he knew he was famous but didn't realise how much so.
He ate some of the fading christmas tree and shat a little poo, then went for a sleep.
The owl hooted in disgust ....

[Guest]

What colour is the owl?

[ChrisMuttonshutter]

The owl was furious, that fucking giraffe got all the fucking attention.
She preened her golden black and amber feathers, then swooped on an innocent dormouse and pecked its eyes out.
In the distance, the late ferry departed ....

[Guest]

I'm hooked all over again. I can't wait to hear the next installment.

[ChrisMongohomo]

Here's a sad one m8s

The sausage rolled off his plate onto the floor
Like many Brits, he was too fat to fetch it, but he was fatter than most
The phallic shape of the sausage reminded him of a proud British tradition
Buggery
He sighed, his food out of reach, already soiled on the dirt floor of his mum's shanty
Buggery used to pay the bills
Not anymore
Not since the AIDS diagnosis
Not since he became too fat for buggery
Mum had to do all the work
All that's left now, is the Bariatric Ward and a horrid little iPad

[Guest]

Here's a sad one m8s

The sausage rolled off his plate onto the floor
Like many Brits, he was too fat to fetch it, but he was fatter than most
The phallic shape of the sausage reminded him of a proud British tradition
Buggery
He sighed, his food out of reach, already soiled on the dirt floor of his mum's shanty
Buggery used to pay the bills
Not anymore
Not since the AIDS diagnosis
Not since he became too fat for buggery
Mum had to do all the work
All that's left now, is the Bariatric Ward and a horrid little iPad

You give more information about yourself than you meant to m8
Ta

[ChrisMuttonshutter]

A new year appeared from the embers of the old one, yet everyone seemed upset.
"Not me" came the response from the Giraffe, "Nor me", hooted the Owl as it ate the entrails of a dead Belgian tourist.
In the distance, a dead Goldfish was flushed down a toilet as bombs fell.
A lone fat bald man of Irish descent scanned the ads for a girlfriend and wept ....

[ChrisMongohomo]

He hadn't seen the giraffe or the owl all day
Mum won't let him sniff glue anymore
Reality is awful dull when you weigh 138 stone
His insulin pump activated with a whirr
Where was his old m8 Greg with today's delivery?
12 orders of pie and chips isn't much... but it would have to do